Even though Governor Abbott allowed movie theaters in Texas to open last week, most of the big chains decided to keep their theaters closed for now. Bummer. I’m REALLY missing going to the movies! It’s one of my FAVORITE things to do.
So, here is a list of the Top 10 Things Big Dave Misses About Going to the Movies:
- That two-hour break from interacting with his family.
- Special effects that distract him from gaping plot holes.
- Smuggling in a fifth of Vodka in his butt crack.
- Slurping sounds coming from the couple behind him engaged in some serious foreplay.
- Pretending to be some underage kid’s “parent or guardian” for that Rated R Movie in exchange for FREE popcorn.
- That sweet food coma from whatever that stuff is that passes for butter on the popcorn.
- Walking on the super sticky floors gives him a little extra calf workout.
- The pride he feels after consuming a 48-ounce Coke and a three-pound box of warm pretzel bites.
- Popcorn just doesn’t taste as good if it doesn’t cost $15.
- Anyone who sits in those seats has to be immune to anything!