It’s Veterans Day – and I honor EVERYONE who was more courageous and a better person than me & served in our nation’s military.
My grandfather, Norman, and my Dad both served in the Navy. My Father-In-Law served in the Army. One of my Brothers-In-Law served in the Marines. And many of my friends also served.
One of my biggest regrets is that I didn’t serve when I had the chance.
But, honestly, as I look back on the kind of person I was right after High School, I don’t think I would have ever made the cut.
Here are The Top 7 Reasons Big Dave Wouldn’t Have Made It in the Military:
I can’t fit into a tank when I’m already the size of one.
I prefer to wear Hawaiian shirts over camouflage.
I can’t join the Marines, because their motto isn’t “The Few, the Morbidly Obese, the Marines.”
Gunfire makes me tinkle. Oh, and also the fact I actually just used the word “tinkle.”
Finding out that the boot camp’s chow hall doesn’t include an all-you-can-eat buffet.
The “push-ups” they require me to finish aren’t ice cream bars.
My military hero is John Winger — the character Bill Murray played in the movie Stripes.